The obvious difficulty lies in figuring out how to put angry feelings to work, especially in relationships. After using this opening, you can then delve deeper into what bothers you, what you think and feel in the aftermath of whatever happened (why anger emerged instead of other feelings). When someone hears that you are uncomfortable and that the conversation is difficult for you, it increases the likelihood that they will approach what you have to say with empathy. The aim of the discomfort caveat is to disarm the person, to keep them from becoming defensive. Apologize in advance, not for your emotions or your actions but for the potential lack of clarity in how you convey what you’re about to say. When you want to express anger, or any negative emotion, one way to do so is to start with what we call the “discomfort caveat.” Let other people know explicitly that you are experiencing intense emotions and because of this, it is more difficult than usual for you to communicate clearly. What is the right way to get mad? How to manage anger The question is how you do that without letting it go too far.

With these reservations, the expression of authentic anger can be entirely appropriate with certain people in certain situations. A healthy society is not an anger-free society.Ĭaution around anger is certainly smart, as is the knowledge that it should not be overused, or used with everyone. Positivity alone is insufficient to the task of helping us navigate social interactions and relationships. It’s a mistake to presume that kindness, compassion, love, and fairness line up on one side of a continuum, and anger, rage, and dislike, on another side.

Altruism is often born from anger when it comes to mobilizing other people and creating support for a cause, no emotion is stronger. When anger arises, we feel called upon to prevent or terminate immediate threats to our welfare, or to the well-being of those we care about. Be curious about others, yourself, and the world this month

Getting in touch with your anger